Over the last couple of years I have been taking a close look at how I am branding my business. This is a word hundreds of books have been written about. It also took me quit sometime to understand.  In a nut shell. I Kim James, with all my assets and flaws all of my talents and character defects, personal tastes, preferences and dislikes, my values and principles, are my brand and yes also the work,. Who I really am is my brand. I can't think of branding myself to just turn a profit. My understanding is I must take a real inventory assessment of who I am and my impact on people.

My work has been called honest, warm, bold, vivid, classic, original, enduring, sensitive and beautiful. I have also heard those comments about my personality and nature.

I have been considering, the color, the font, the logo. I have settled on all of these things. Now every choice I make about my business is run by my list and if it doesn’t resonate with my style, it’s out.

Tricky…..

I am creating a hybrid blog site. I bought the template through word press, but it isn’t as easy as big folios blog. I wish big folio would have had blog sites. It will be up in a few weeks, I hope. I am so pissed I wasn’t more of a nerd and didn’t pay more attention in school especially in math and science. It is such a stretch for me to learn this stuff. If I can remain focused and patient enough it will be up soon.

So my sites will be going through some changes to get on the same page of my personal brand.

But for now I am frustrated and tired of computers. I am going to work out!

 

When I was 3, my grandmother would take me 4 blocks from our house, in San Francisco, down to Ocean Beach, to run Mimi, the poodle. One of my first memories is screaming on the shoreline while she would put her feet in the water, I was terrified the ocean would sweep her away.  I was considered the families catastrifizer, no it’s not a real word. I wasn’t a girl scout, but I am a boy scout by nature. Mostly prepared most of the time. I spend much time in my own head creating pack lists. I am going to NY in July and I have all my supplemental gear, that I can’t have on carry on and cannot afford to lose, being rented and shipped.  I have a box I am shopping for and will be shipping 3 weeks ahead to greet us at the hotel so I will not have to shop in Mid -Town for these items. I might even ship my lightweight small espresso maker. Certainly worth not paying $10.00 bucks a latte, I have 3 a day, Ian has 2, and not having to go a few blocks and wait for a coffee.

I think a lot about many things.  I make forecasts on present conditions and then I prepare. Some I am wrong about, some I am not. I have a motto I live by, it works for me and it came from one of my favorite movies, True Romance. “It is better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.” I never hope to use my gun. I never want to touch it. But I have it if I need it. I use it as a metaphor. I have many things stored, such as food water medicine.

Which goes along the vein of one of the things I am thinking about now is the swine flu. This blog post is meant for my children friends and family. It’s here. Don’t panic, but it’s in the USA , as of today it’s in 5 known places that reach coast to coast. I loved what the science corrospandent said on NBC don’t hoard tamiflu it could build a resistance. Horseshit. It’s an anti viral not an anti biotic and there are not 6 billion doses on the planet. Tami flu is effective (they think) with this strain but there is hardly enough. The good news is the kill rate doesn’t seem to be high the bad news in Mexico, at least, is that young healthy people are dying and it’s the same strain. In the next week the CDC and WHO will know much more, but what they know now has me debriefing my family like we are the CIA. What scared me is WHO is listing this as of today a 3 (higheast score is 5, which is a world pandemic outbreak) I predict because of where it is on the planet that it will be a 4 in a few days. This flu has four genetic types of flu strain, 2 swine, 1 avian, 1 human. It’s never been seen before, so humans have 0 resistances and it is transferred human to human. It’s airborne. YIKES! This is bad. They think it has a 2 day incubation. That is very fast and good for quarantines.

Here is what I am telling my kids. If I were going on any public transportation I would be wearing a mask. I would rather look stupid and keep my health than to care what a stranger thinks of me and risk the life of myself and family. If you have flu symptoms, fever, aches, major chest and head congestion stuff, get to a DOC ASAP (you can only treat it with an anti viral if you catch it before 36 hours, be smart catch it within 12) otherwise you will have to ride it out. Risk of death for the young and healthy from pneumonia is real, get the antiviral Tami flu, take it quick, take it all. Do not come home. If you have to come home you will be quarantined.

WASH YOUR FLIPPIN HANDS ALL THE TIME. Why don’t they teach cross contamination is schools to the young? They need to start in Kindergarten and tell the little children that monster are real, they are invisible and live on surfaces, especially on hands and the only way to kill them is to wash your hands. They would be washing all the time.

DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE EVER FOR ANYTHING and if you must WASH YOUR HANDS.

STAY OUT OF CROWDS. IF YOU HAVE TO GO TO COSTCO WEAR A MASK THEN WIPE ALL YOUR STUFF DOWN WITH A DISSENFECTANT. 

FOR GODS SAKE, IF YOU HAVE TO COUGH OR SNEEZE, BE A DECENT HUMAN AND PUT YOUR FACE INSIDE YOUR SHIRT.

THE ONLY WAY YOU KNOW IF YOU HAVE BEEN EXPOSED IS WHEN YOU BECOME SICK.

Thanks for listing now I am going to plant a garden.

I have been neglecting the blog as far as writing although I have been photographing a lot and I also have been in the middle of switching over computers. There has been a disruption in my workflow because I can't load in certain actions and Pictage doesn't work with a  64 bit version of Vista and Lightroom 2 straight out of Lightroom won't burn my discs now. So super argg. I like the speed of my new computer, but I need the actions and presets for my workflow. I was checking out Doug Boutwell, I bought his TOTALLY RAD ACTIONS, here’s the link http://gettotallyrad.com/#rockin-photoshop-actions-7a1d9 you'll have to copy and paste because I suck and still can't figure out how to insert it. Anyway I was checking out his work and he is really a good artist. While I was at his site I saw his 30 random things about himself. I am stealing his idea, but making it 45 because that’s my age in years on the planet.  

When checking out other wedding photographer's bios I see many who lead with their favorite color and their favorite flavor of ice cream and so on. I am looking for substance and content, but I see that they just loved shooting pictures since they were little. I identify with them, but then I think that isn't good enough for me to justify handing them $5K+. Why am I going to spend my $$ on you? Because you are cute and like pastels and bubbles. If you go to www.kimjamesfineart.com you will get my bio and my art education and my experience. Not what color I like.

 So here is the first random thing about me.

1. I am a nice Bitch! I'll say it always to your face, only if you ask, I will do everything to set you at ease and make you comfortable besides take abuse. Then the wicked bitch comes out.

2. I study photography and art every day, every single day. I love Edward Weston  Alfred Stieglitz, Sylvia Plachy, Steven Meisel  Paolo Ravorsi,  Annie Leibovitz, Guy Boudin, Albert Watson, Carol Carter, Birgit O’Conner, Nancy Collins. I am in love with Maxfeild Parrish and Georgia O’Keefe. I saw their work when I was 5 and it took my breath away. I would have Maxfeild Parrish originals all over my house if I could afford them. I want to paint the inside of flowers.

3. I would rather paint, photograph and write more than I want to fit in, gossip, hang out or belong.

4. I am my most critical judge of my work. It's never strong enough.

5. I wanted to be a bareback rider in the circus when I was five. Sometimes I still do.

6. I am afraid of the ocean's power and I desire to be near it. Same with horses.

7. I believe in reincarnation, life in other galaxies and a great creator.

8. I hate dogma. HATE IT! I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal. I believe in = rights for all humans.

9. I love photographing people because it is such an honest experience for me. To really see someone is an honor.

10. I know boys and girls are different. Not better or worse.

11. If we taught sex as biology rather than as morality we’d have less knocked up teenagers.

12. After I photograph a person I come to know them through their images and I miss them and find I feel a kinship to them, even if we were strangers before.

13. I am fiercely in love with my entire family.

14. I hurt when they hurt, but unless they are under the age of 17 I don't usually run interference between them and the disaster they choose. I believe we must grow in our own way and own pace.

15. Dave Matthew's lyrics knock me over and I never get sick of him. Some Devil, is my favorite CD of his.

16. I was a fashion model in NY for Elite in the 80s I lived in NY and Paris, worked in Rome, danced at studio 54 and Regines and I didn't do a thing to create that for myself. It was handed to me. I didn't appreciate all the wonderful people who were kind to me. But one by one I am saying thank you. Martin Ryter, Oliviero Tuscani, John Casablancas.

17. I have 5 living children I had a baby that died and another that almost did. We survived it, I survived it.

18. I started smoking when I was 10 and quit when I was 42. Marlboros, I still miss them and would rather smoke one in Paris at a cafe with Shirley than paint.

19. I have had my heart broken 5 times. Every time I thought I would die. I didn’t.

20. I think about my grandpa and my brother every day.

21. I like physics. "What the Bleep do we Know." is one of my all time favorite films. 

22. I let my beautiful 16 year old daughter go live in Switzerland for almost a year because it was the best thing for her and I miss her so much!

23. I have 3 dogs, I will always have dogs. Big ones.

24. I love camping and swimming and BBQs at our families special place on the Trinity. I dream of it.

25. I live in the wilderness and I never tire of the smell of summer in the pines, campfires and fresh thunderstorm rains mixed up with freshly wetted dirt.

26. I want a little fine art show in a gallery in New York when I am 80. I love to shoot nudes, but you won’t be catching me naked.

27. I miss San Francisco so much I dream of a little apartment in the Marina when I am old.

28. I will write a book in my older years. I have already written a script, I write poetry, only when I am in a grave amount of turmoil and some is really good, I have been told.

29. If you are my friend I will love you till I die even if we have had a falling out.

30. I can’t believe that my children have grown up so fast I still feel 25. I also think they are better people than I am.

31. I love medicine and science and I read the news on them often.

32. I am 20 pounds overweight and I love to eat especially desert. Chocolate cake please. I work out daily and do not allow myself many food items and still 20+. ARG.

33. I am a damn good cook! I am also a damn good gardener.

34. I was a model agent and scout for 8 years and I commuted to SF from Sonoma everyday with my babies. I also traveled to NY and Miami with them.

35. I love super raunchy comedy, but I have to listen to it alone. It’s too embarrassing and I laugh loudly.

36. I dropped out of school in the 10^th grade. I have been going to the school of my own curriculum ever since. I own close to a 1000 books. I read 2-3 hours a day, everything. I have at least 20 items on my nightstand at any given time to read.

37. I love to swear and give the finger. At 45 I have learned a time and a place.

38. I believe there are only 2 forms of being, love or fear. I may feel fearful but I try to love anyway.

39. In another life I would be born to 2 gay men in the Castro and I would be their princess.

40. I once rode on the back of a motorcycle going 120 mph. I was in a swimsuit. I also raced from St. Tropez to Paris going 130 in a Ferrari. I wasn’t driving.

41. I used to sneak into the San Francisco zoo when I was 9 and I would take the bus and the troli all over the city alone.

42. Days at the beach watching my children swim and photographing them is one of my favorite ways to spend the day.

43. I fly in my dreams and dream in color. Last week I was in Dubai and I was also visiting Steven Meisel in his NY apartment.

44. French Vogue is an indulgence. I LOVE FASHION!!!!

45. I have been studying painting, fine art and photography for 11 years now. I teach the 6 elements of design through the watercolor media to 4^th and 6^th graders.

 

Wedding season is upon me and so is spring cleaning. I want to be organized for the very busy season I am now facing. 7 weddings and counting plus a pretty busy portrait studio. I can hardly believe it. I am so excited. I love taking pictures. Love IT! I have worked so hard these last few years and I am seeing that this may be a viable way to earn and love what I am doing at the same time.

My web sites are fine now. Thank you Big Folio. they are so cool!

I did it. I bought a kindle 2, I have been waiting and waiting for one. I just spent 3 days going through about a 1000 books all mine. I am a reader on many subjests and a collector of knowledge. After days of dust and a wonderful wedding booking in New York city this summer I decided I need a kindle. No more big fat heavy book bags for me. It's a luxury I can't really afford there are other pressing things, but I just turnd 45 and I think it's a perfect gift for me.

Note when one turns 45 and one has raised almost 5 children, giving ones self a nice gift isn't hard!

 

There has been a convergence in my life of taxes (super long process, I must find a system), changing my web pages, adding a portrait site, shooting for it, getting a rep, marketing for the season and a new computer system. My house is a total mess. TOO much work, on the other hand great excitement. I am handling big projects which will hopefully open the door for great creativity because I think that's what the whole point is for all of this. I VANT to make beautiful pictures...painted or photographed *amn it.

SO if my sites seem DISORGANIZED, they are. But check back if you need order. They are coming together.

I am off to San Francisco for a few days for a couple of portrait shoots and a meeting with my new rep.

Best picture, Slumdog

Best actor I think Micky will get it, but Sean Penn deserves it.

Best actress Ann Hathaway.

Best Supporting actress Viola Davis.

Best Supporting Acrtor Heath Ledger.

Best Director Danny Boyle.

 

 

Written March of 2005

Pondering my surroundings my life.....

I have finally arrived home. I live on the edge of a great meadow. Beyond the meadow is a lake, which I have full view of, if it’s full enough and this year it is. The meadow and the lake border a national forest, one of the least frequented ones in the nation. Also one of the most treacherous. It contains a real volcano. This is the first home of my own. My husband and I share it with our 5 children and 2 dogs now. The oldest Scout, who was with us for the last 13 years we put down last week. Argus is 3 , he is our oldest now. He has cancer, hence the new pup Titus. I can not be dogless. We have 3 goldfish in a tank in our living room. And sometimes wildlife on the meadow choose to come over our white picket fence to forage for meadow mice that run to our home for sanctuary.

I have personally seen hawks, osprey, crows, sparrow hawks, igrids, snow geese, Canada geese, swans, sea gulls, Bald and golden eagles, blue birds, ducks (many types) pelicans, sand hill cranes, swallows, bob cats, the tracks of a cougar, many coyote dead and alive, raccoon, dear mice (the nasty ones that carry Hunta virus), a wood marmot (that was weird), beaver, garden snake and rat.

I love this meadow. I ski it everyday in the winter, or did until the knee issue, out to the shores of the lake. I fancy myself CSI of the meadow to see the story the snow is trying to tell. Frantic tracks of rabbit running (deeper tracks) at first in straight line, then the dodge, this way and that, the tracks go, then blood, spatters of it, around the blood, an area where it seems as if someone has taken a feathered fan and tried to dust the snow with it, then nothing, gone. No more tracks the story is over. AHHHHHHHHHHHA. It must have been an Eagle, 10 foot wing span. A big enough bird to lift that fat rabbit (deep tracks). Many stories on the meadow. When the snow comes it’s easier to read. Coyotes eat their own dead nothing is wasted. Even the blood is licked off the snow. I come upon many dens in the snow. Daytime travel on the meadow is safe. Except for the birds, most of the meadow life is nocturnal. Coyotes eat the meadows mice. It’s a rare occasion to see one doing so in daylight. They are efficient hunters. To read the hunt of a coyote after a mouse is about 20 ft of track in the snow. They sniff them out on top. Then dive like an osprey does for a fish.

The summer is tough, the grasses are high and the packs of coyote and raccoon remain hidden. The meadow is load at night. The animals are in full conversation or war. The coyotes will send one of their bitches in heat to lure and intact male (still has his testicles), from the neighborhood, out for breading rights and it doesn’t matter his size he becomes their dinner. Raccoons do the same. They are vicious killers. At night I watch my dogs when they go out to relieve themselves. Sometimes the killing can be heard and it is blood chilling. A pack of animals taking out it’s victim is not usually recorded in audio and the pitch of the yelps and screams turns my stomach. I can hear them all playing at first, they are load with their howls. Once the growling begins I know it’s dog prey has been surrounded. I want to save it, but I know the last cry as it smothers silent. It’s neck has either been torn out or broken. I usually don’t sleep too well on those nights and I am left to ponder the natural world and who made it.

When I was little I dreamt of living on the edge of the wilderness. Now I do. My art studio / photo studio,  is 266 square feet of my heaven. It faces the meadow. Out the grid windows is my small kitchen garden, white picket fences and a dedicated area for ashes of our beloved dead. I have Scout buried on our back yard side. A tiny fertile garden. Delphiniums asters daisies, pink climbing roses. Zinnias hollyhocks sunflowers peonies, iris, lavender, rosemary thyme, chives sage line the fence. I have a small version of an old fashioned English garden with it’s bounty bursting through the fences, beyond is the wild. Just as I dreamt of. I have a 1880s coal stove sitting in the south western corner, where I burn almond kindling in lu of smoking. I have to crack the window though or I’ll die of carbon monoxide poisoning. The fire is to help warm me, but mostly to soothe my spirit. Staring into the flames helps.

I finally have a room of my own and I come here whenever possible to connect with that divine power that created me. This place is my sanctuary and it has been a long journey here. I fear this is only a pit stop, a resting place. I hope to remain for a long delicious time. When we moved to the Inn’s Barn 12.5 years ago I recall looking over the fence and thinking of it(the fence) as the border to heaven. Behind it a vast wilderness, a couple of houses and to the East a huge meadow. Boundless. I read CS Lewis’s book “The Great Divorce“. and I thought of the fence as the boundary to heaven. --"There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'" However, the narrator's descriptions of sin and temptation will hit quite close to home for many readers. Lewis has a genius for describing the intricacies of vanity and self-deception, and this book is tremendously persistent in forcing its reader to consider the ultimate consequences of everyday pettiness. --Michael Joseph Gross

-- about, "The Great Divorce".

Now I’m on the other side of the fence. The Heaven side. I know I’m an eternal being over here. Not without growing pains and afflictions but with the knowledge, that no matter what happens to me, no matter what I choose, no matter how sick or well I am, I am an eternal being. I will eternally remain my creators. My one true vocation is to listen with all aspects of my receptors. All of my senses for the next indicated sign. I am to love, forgive and serve. All things I was sure would bring me misery. I avoided them at all costs, I now work vigorously to accept and understand and to obediently observe.

I have spent too many years on the other side being petty I suppose and sometimes still do. I am so glad to be on this side of the fence.

 

Feb. 2009

Only two Children at home...3 dogs again and Ian and I traded spaces. His gym is on the edge of the meadow now and I have a 800 sq. ft. of his old gym my new studio. The wild on the meadow is still happening. Thousands of snow geese have arrived.

I slept in till 10:40 today. No I don’t drink. I guess I was tired. Ian and I and some friends went to a crab feed. It was fun. Maybe that's what got me. Now I have ½ a day to shove in the 2 days worth of stuff I need and would like to do.

 

I threw my back out pretty good painting the pink tulip hunching over the table. My back is improving slowly probably because I am walking 40 minutes a day anyway and doing super light Yoga. I adjusted my table so the next time I obsess on a painting, which I hope to do soon, I won’t have to pay too much.

I don’t know why I haven’t written lately except I really don’t have much to say. The subject matter around me is huge, I just am not feeling it, I guess.

Because I love photography and painting so much I am making some life style changes so that I can continue to do what I love. Some people are extreme sports enthusiasts, and live for the rush I am an extreme doer. I want to go all day painting, gardening, cooking, mothering, cleaning etcetera. I like the way my life looks and feels when I have energy and I feel good. I rest after 9pm a few times a week with a movie or bath. I am not a big rester although I love to sleep and let myself sleep in when I need to. The changes I am making are dietary and exercise. Steve Hanks, one of my Favorite painters exercises 2 hours a day to keep in shape to continue to paint.

I would rather do anything than exercise, but not doing it is killing me quickly. I also come from a long line of women, who are allergic to sugar and flour. It makes us fat and sick. It gives me all sorts of ailments that intrude on my life. If I have to be more conscious & vigilant and cut a few foods out to feel great I am doing it. That is what I am doing and I find myself looking for the small improvements, like  getting off the prilosec. Like not having to take ibuprofen. Like having more energy already. It isn’t easy, but it is so simple. My sugar cravings are already gone. I am really excited. I also know that I am entering middle age and although my years say I am 44 I refuse to give my days over to feeling old and tired. I feel like I am just getting started. I am motivated.

Olivia is in the Swiss Alps skiing and here is the email she sent to me yesterday. “I am good I am in Lausanne right now. We just got done skiing!! It was a lot of fun but you couldn't see 4 feet ahead of you so we quit earlier around 2 30 pm. Other than that I am having a good time. I hope that I get to go to the alps again because I didn’t really get to see them. There was way to much cloud cover to see anything super foggy so that was a bummer but other than that I had a really good time. I feel only 4 times ha ha. I was trying to keep up they would wait for me and me not knowing it was them and speed past them. Than I crashed in to a fence DONT WORRY!! I’m fine it was really funny actually I will tell you the rest of the stories when we skype k I love you and will talk to you soon!!
love Olivia “

I did 3 photo shoots in the Bay Area last week and I will go down again in a couple of weeks to do 3 more. I LOVE photographing. I love the art of it. I love the intimacy of it. I love the technical aspects of it. I love finding the beauty in the light and my subjects.

B-Tee is a popular Bay Area Rapper and this is his second CD cover I have shot. Elena is a bride I photographed and soon I will get to photograph her baby. Can’t wait!

I am getting ready to head out the Bay area tomorrow with Jane for 5 days. I didn’t want to drive on Super Bowl Sunday with all the drunks and I have 3 shoots scheduled. Maybe 4. I am shooting a rapper by the name of BT aka cash crop for his 2^nd cd cover. I shot the first too. I am shooting a much anticipated maternity shoot for a previous bride because I am beginning work on a proper portrait site. She is very close to the due date. I am anxious not to miss it.

Jane is coming with me because she needs some alone time with me and when I am home it’s always about work, chores and lots of have tos. I am way funner on the road even if it’s the music we listen to.

I am also looking forward to seeing Michael who officially finished high school and is attending Santa Rosa JC 4 classes at the moment. I am so proud of him. He still is Living with his auntie dawn and uncle Chris and Janneke and Michael. They all ride him pretty good.

Olivia decided to extend her stay in Switzerland for another 6 months. She’ll be home in July. I was just getting so excited her trip was ½ over and now it’s 1/3 over. I am really excited and happy for her and sad for me. She has just spent some time in Paris is off the Swiss alps for skiing and will be having another stay in Lausanne with a Canadian couple (software writer and doctor) who sailed around the world on a catamaran. It took 4 years and she wrote a book. Now they live near my cousin Heidi in Switzerland and Liv gets to stay with them while Heidi goes to the Bahamas for a month. Liv is also playing on a women’s soccer team and she has earned a real spot on the team and they travel. She will have an opportunity to travel with them as well. Her French is coming along. She will be staying with another French family for 2 weeks all French speaking so she will have plenty of time to practice.

I threw my back out painting. I need a higher table. I LOVE PAINTING. And finally I feel like I am beginning after 10 years to gain some skill with the paint and the water. I am waiting for my back to stop being pissed and everyday I push it enough, just to not feel 75%. I DO NOT LIKE THIS having to baby it stuff. I really want to push it. Although I threw It, I  went ahead and cleaned for 4 days because I gave Ian a Birthday diner. He turned 42. I suppose it isn’t that bad, just really uncomfortable.

Ian is working on more balance and that has spelled some more peaceful days around our house. He isn’t working so many side jobs, as much, which is fine. He is also doing some nice work on the the house instead and spending more time with Jane and Tristan and it’s been good. We'd rather have a happy balanced home and tighter purse strings anyway.

 

I just can’t get seem to chorale the kind of time and energy Christmas requires. I am tired and when the kids were little and we were homebound it made more sense to do so much more. Family photos, a creative story or poem homemade cards to 75+ and now a family photo doesn’t seem right without ALL of them. Liv is residing in Switzerland for 6 months. Ryon in Tahoe for the Snow season. Mike in Sonoma with his Aunt, Uncle and grandparents to attend Santa Rosa JC and to work. It’s Just Ian and I, Jane and Tristan. Life has changed overnight and not any less busier, just different.

I found I want my life simpler more balanced. I am not doing Christmas cards this year and not that I don’t miss and want to connect to far off loved ones, I know I sound like a ba humbug......I can not get it on for Christmas this year like the over top Christmases of the past and it isn't just about the economy. That's actually made it easier, more excusable to justify my behavior this year. Although, I do wish everyone much joy, love, health, happiness, prosperity in 2009 and a great Christmas Season. My Christmas highlight letters bore me, and most of the time I feel like such a liar, because I don’t really discuss what’s really going on, which for me, is the messiness of human relationships. My human relationships. I like my letters to reflect something close to the truth, I do like getting them when they are filled with emotional honesty. Although I care about my people I don't really want to hear about Johnny’s grades, unless that’s what really matters to them, then please go on. I want to hear. I’d also like to hear more about..."How you really doing?".

Here’s how we are really doing.

Ian and I started back to couples therapy after a 3 year break. We’ve been together 22 years and we are crazy for each other. Stupid to wait so long. We do so much better when we have and interpreter that helps us have more compassion and appreciation for one another. We also have a date after and then we both feel way better.

Ian and I are both a little shell shocked to take such a change in our home, with 3 out of 5 gone. ALREADY. WOW it went so fast. It’s not a bad change. It’s very different and we miss them. The dynamics are very different. We still have 3 big dogs, Kira, the rescued, rambunctious, naughty Neapolitan Mastiff, Titus, her yellow lab co hort and Argus the ever present watcher.

Ian still works 2 jobs and builds as much as he can, but he has taken up some balance and with that video games with Jane and Tristan and his gym is finished so he is doing more self care more time with me. There is more balance which means saner, which means better around here.

Jane and I and Tristan cook and clean and argue and watch movies and read and take care of the dogs and the house and play dice often and Oh did I say argue?

I am letting go of the intense pace I have had for the last 2 years building my businesses. I am honing my skills as an artist and fine art photographer and taking enough bookings to pay the bills, but not to pay me. Less stress. I am an artist and want to remain committed to that aspect of my work. I approached Christmas so differently this year. I still have shopping. I used to have all gifts wrapped by Thanksgiving. I spent ½ , I don’t think things are what we need. I did not bake. Who really needs another cookie anyway, my ass doesn’t and I am a fooder. I’ll eat them as I cook because my drug of choice is sugar flower chocolate and caffeine and I lack a stop switch. I did plant bulbs in fine pots and give them to loved ones. I painted book marks for loved ones. I bought small electronics for the kids. Only a couple of things. A small Christmas.

Somehow it feels good. Less stuff more feeling.

What I wanted for Christmas that I already got.

Ian and I communicating and spending time together and working out the kinks. Ian not working 100 hours a week. Mike’s wisdom teeth out and the kid signed up for college. THIS IS HUGE! Ryon getting a job and refocusing his life. He has some challenges in front of him, but he has his BA this year and that is HUGE. Ian and I are proud of him for standing up and following through. Liv, living the French life, going to Paris. At 16 years old she has settled into a European life with a new family and she is earning a little living as a nanny, taking French classes and playing soccer on a women’s Swiss soccer team while she finishes High School via the mail. HUGE. Jane and Tristan are reading a lot and teaching their dad video games and they are taking on more responsibility at home and learning how to be the big ones now. HUGE. They are doing it. After 2 years of crawling on his belly like in Hogan’s Heroes, bringing out dirt, one bucket at a time, so he could dig and pour a foundation under our house Ian has done it. He lifted and poured a foundation under the whole house. Almost all by himself. Mike and Ryon came and helped a bit. Ian also built a stout wrap around porch. He also got the wood in and our gym ready to greet my FA this post holiday season and he works extra so I can stay home with the kids. HUGE for me. I am painting again and I have inspiration to do that. I am photographing all the time. HUGE.

 

 

What I really would like for me in 2009

I am really refocusing my efforts with my self-care. One day at a time with desert, but sitting meditating, getting exercise…I am in training for menopause which should be hitting in the next 5 and I am determined to be in shape for it. I need to be ready and I am not. I have some weight to lose if I don‘t want depression and major medical issues to become my norm in the near future. I am working on healthy changes and trying not to get too bummed that I have to graduate to soy in my coffee. YUK!

Still Christmas frantic ……working on some stuff for the blog and site and Ian and his family…….and my family…….HAPPY HOLIDAYS.