It's one of my very favorite sayings because I know it is true for me. When I have a need, I hit the books to create or become something different. My husband and I had a need to have a marriage and raise our children together. We were living what I like to call the American nightmare back in 1993. Living in the Bay Area, me working in San Francisco on Townsend commuting from Sonoma everyday. I never saw him or the children. After the children turned 6 months old they would have to go to Ian's mom's daycare. I took them to work with me until they started crawling and I then began to wean them from day nursing. Even though I felt fortunate to have my mother in law, who loves my children, caring for them, I still felt a deep sense of something being very wrong with the picture and it was. For me, I felt, I needed to raise the children I chose to breed. After some very series soul searching we made our way to Lake Almanor to manage the Bidwell House. I left the modeling agency and we became modern day pioneers. We left our families, jobs, house, friends, town and settled on a job that grossed less than 1/2 of what we were accustomed to taking in. We made the financial sacrifice to have our family again. We are also both romantics (I am not sure I am anymore). We moved into a 100 year old one bedroom barn that used to be a slaughter house, with no insulation at 4500 ft. with snow on the ground 5 months out of the year. It reminded me of the 70’s movie “The Wilderness Family”. It wasn't what we had expected when we chose to make the 250 mile trek north, but we signed up for it and it created many necessities. The barn was the innkeepers’ unit on the Inn’s property and the owners didn’t count on settling for a young family they had their sites on a retirement couple. But we were the most qualified. We needed to create a home out of the barn, fix the Inn and the surrounding property, plant gardens. We signed up for a Martha Stewart lifestyle without the kind of resources she had to make it happen, which created much more necessity. Hence need to reinvent ourselves. We become educated in all aspects Inn. I learned about high mountain gardening, green houses, starts, composting, creating weddings, opening a restaurants, deep cleaning an antique home, decorating, entertaining on a grand scale and a pure work your fingers off work ethic. Running an Inn is an 18 hour day, minimum. Nothing romantic about it, but certainly fulfilling and delicious. I am also a wiz at getting out any stain (don't wash it what ever you do, just hand it to me.). I could write a memoir that would fill a 1700 page novel on our life at the Inn. We eventually fixed that barn to have 3000 sq ft of living area, 5 bedrooms, a dinning room, kitchen, gym, office, living room and a few hidden lofts. We had to settle on one bathroom though, no way to run plumbing really on a building with no foundation. 7 people one toilet. That need created great timing in our very large family. 1993 to 2006 managing the 14 room Inn with it's 2 acres created a pressure cooker of needs and in the pressure cooker of my mind and my husbands that created many solutions to our needs. I can cook. I love food done well, growing up in San Francisco and living in Sonoma gave me that. I worked for Harry Marsden (he will go down in history as one heck of a chef and a really tough employer) at the Au Relais in Sonoma, authentic French cuisine. It was M K Fisher’s favorite place, she came often for his Cassoulet. Here is Gourmet magazine's redition. Cassoulet Bean Mixture: 2 quarts chicken broth 2 quarts water 2 pounds (4 cups) dried white beans, picked over, soaked in water to cover by 2 inches overnight, and drained 1 (1/2-pound) piece salt pork, simmered in water to cover for 15 minutes and drained 1 pound smoked pork sausage, such as kielbasa, in 1-inch pieces 3 onions, halved lengthwise 3 garlic cloves, crushed lightly and left whole 1 teaspoon crumbled dried thyme 1 bouquet garni composed of 4 parsley sprigs, 3 celery tops, the white and pale green part of 1 leek, and 2 bay leaves, tied in a cheesecloth bag 5 slices lean bacon, chopped fine 1 pound boneless pork loin, in 1-inch pieces 1 pound boneless lamb shoulder, in 1-inch pieces 1 cup finely chopped onion 1/2 cup finely chopped celery 1 tablespoon finely chopped garlic 1 cup dry white wine 1 (28-ounce) can plum tomatoes, drained, (reserve 1/2 cup juice) and chopped 1 (4-pound) duck, cut into 8 pieces About 3 cups fine dry bread crumbs Make the bean mixture: In a large heavy kettle combine the broth and the water and bring the liquid to a boil. Stir in the beans, the salt pork, and the sausage and bring the liquid to a boil, skimming the froth. Stir in the onions, the garlic, the thyme, the bouquet garni, and pepper to taste and simmer the mixture, uncovered, for 1 1/2 to 1 3/4 hours, or until the beans are tender. Discard the salt pork, the onions, and the bouquet garni, strain the mixture through a colander set over a large bowl, and in separate bowls reserve the bean mixture and the broth. The bean mixture and the broth may be made 1 day in advance and kept covered and chilled. In a large skillet cook the bacon over moderate heat, stirring, until it is crisp and transfer it with tongs to paper towels to drain. In the fat remaining in the skillet brown the pork and the lamb over moderately high heat, turning the pieces once, for 8 minutes and transfer the meat with a slotted spoon to a large casserole. In the fat remaining in the skillet cook the onion, the celery, and the garlic with salt and pepper to taste over moderately low heat, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are softened. Stir in the wine and boil the mixture until the liquid is reduced by half. Stir in the tomatoes with the reserved juice and the bacon and simmer the mixture, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes. Transfer the mixture to the casserole and braise it, covered, in a preheated 325 degree oven for 1 hour. Arrange the duck pieces, skin sides down, on a rack in a roasting pan and broil them under a preheated broiler about 4 inches from the heat for 10 minutes. Turn the duck pieces and broil them for 10 minutes more, or until the juices run clear and the meat is cooked through. Transfer the duck with tongs to a cutting board and reserve 1/4 cup of duck fat. In a 6-quart casserole layer 1/3 of the reserved bean mixture, 1/2 the braised meat mixture, 4 pieces of duck, 1/2 remaining bean mixture, the remaining braised meat mixture, the remaining duck pieces, and the remaining bean mixture. Pour 6 cups of the reserved broth, skimmed of any fat, slowly over the mixture, sprinkle the top with 2 cups of the bread crumbs, and drizzle it with 2 tablespoons of the reserved duck fat. Bake the cassoulet, uncovered, in the middle of a 325 degree preheated oven for 30 minutes. Press the crumb layer lightly into the cassoulet, top it with the remaining 1 cup crumbs, and drizzle the top with the remaining 2 tablespoons duck fat. Bake the cassoulet for 1 3/4 hours more, until the crust is golden brown. I was 18 and I was sometimes MK Fisher’s lunch time server. She and Harry and the staff at the Au Relais taught me about food and service. Living in Paris and Manhattan didn’t hurt the development of my palette either, but it killed any hope of exciting my already jaded palette when we moved to the Chester/Lake Almanor. I could cook before. I know I can really cook now. Even some Chinese and Thai. I fell in love with art, but couldn't afford the pieces I found exhilarating to my senses, so I committed myself to study art and learn to paint for myself. I chose watercolor because of the way it made me feel when I looked at it. If applied well, it glows. Also ignorance is bliss, watercolor is by far the hardest medium to learn and master, I found out later. I had no idea what I was getting into when I committed myself to learn watercolor. I had an inkling by year 2 that I may have overreached. 10 years later I am still learning. I might have a shot at being a master if I don't give up, continue to study daily and live into my nineties. I still love the way watercolor makes me feel and when one of my pieces makes me feel that way it only reinforces my I need to continue to feel that way, so I don’t give up. I need beautiful things around me. I need nature so I live on the edge of a vast meadow loaded with wildlife and I get to be in it everyday. There is much necessity in my life and the antidote, for me, is always to press forward, learn something new, fulfill my own necessity. I feel very blessed that there is so much, has always been so much I want to do, to learn, to create. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into the darkroom. But today I need to finish the weddings I am editing, study a little more in Photoshop, walk Kira (she’s having 8 - 10 Neapolitan mastiffs in the next 8 days), Titus and Argus. I will be doing a senior portrait session this afternoon after I figure out dinner for the 7 of us. I will paint with Nancy Collins (fabulous watercolor artist and my favorite teacher) in 8 days for a workshop Debbie Grosser (another fabulos watercolor artist) is bringing her in for. I must prepare my watercolor palette. I will be uploading a few new pics on the blog and sites today, (here’s the Martha part), my son and I will finish pulling the gardens, harvesting some apples, leeks and carrots. I need to clean my bathroom (we have 2 now, one is all mine) and in-between I hope to practice some strength building with yoga and make some calls. It is just gorgeous on the meadow this morning I can’t wait to get started if only my computers would move faster with the burning of the DVD-Rs of the weddings I am editing.